Today I made the decision to put my wedding band back on….

But it’s not because I miss it or because I want it back. It’s for a deeper meaning…

I wanted to be reminded of what I went through and the obstacles I faced…

Through trust issues, drug and alcohol issues, legal troubles and personal issues that left me in a bad mental space hating myself and being incredibly unhappy

I thought that was my life. I thought it was going to be what I left behind when I died. To me that was what I deserved. For some reason I didn’t think I deserved happiness. I didn’t think I deserved real love. Hell I didn’t even think I was attractive and until recently, I never have. Even though I did all I could to help and be supportive I still felt like I deserved everything that happened to me…

I guess even after years of knowing what I wanted, I was just so desperate not even to be happy but to have a “mate” who was good with kids. That was literally my only guideline. In a way, I got what I asked for but what came with it was way more than I expected or even bargained for…

Losing weight was initially extremely hard because he didn’t support me and any time I didn’t eat what he wanted was starving myself or of I chose to workout instead of sitting on the couch, I didnt want to spend time with him. I would ask him continually to workout with me since he felt like I was ignoring him but he only did one time…

As I lost weight I noticed a change in me, in my mental state, in my drive, in my focus and in my outlook on life but I also noticed a change in him…

He started goint into fits of anger due to losing a battle with drugs and alcoholism which, until I actually saw them, didn’t realize how bad it actually was (i knew he had an issue years prior but thought it was in the past)…

After breaking several areas of our house making some poor decisions, and totaling our vehicle, he went to rehab. While he was there he began to gain weight (which was good) and his attitude and demeanor changed, for the better, I thought. Upon getting out – a month later – he was doing his step programs and attending meetings but hadn’t found a sponsor. I went all out for our 2nd anniversary in an attempt to bring something back to our marriage which I knew was falling apart. Only to find out a month later that he’d fallen off the wagon and I couldn’t do it anymore…

I made the hard decision to make him leave. Why was it hard? I had grown used to him – almost content – and didn’t want to have to start at square one. When he was sober he was great with the kids. We now had 3 kids and I didn’t want to be a single parent. But I knew the consequences of allowing him to stay and they weren’t anything good so I made the decision…

This decision snowballed other big decisions not just to continue losing weight but to push myself to be even more than I was…then a week later I found out I was pregant…

I was so upset and distraught. How could this bastard be off living the high life doing whatever he wants and I’m here struggling with his kid in me? How is that fair?! After a few weeks though I got over it and decided I would do what I’d always done and just handle it the best I could. Started going to the OB…

At 21 weeks I thought there was an issue which I reported only to be told there was no issue that i was fine. A week later, my suspicion was true…I’d leaked every ounce of amniotic fluid I had and the fetus had no chance of surviving. I miscarried at 22 weeks…a girl… just when things started getting back to normal, I was hit again…

Easter weekend my dog, Gotti,  a 3 year old blue nose pit bull, fell very ill. He spent 3 days at the vet getting tested for everything under the sun for which they found nothing and it ran up nearly all of my credit cards. However, at the end of that weekend he miraculously rebounded and was back to normal – or so we thought – a month later he was I’ll again only this time it was nearly overnight. This time to an ER vet who determined by looking at previous testing that the only other options were testing for cancer or autoimmune disease. Either way the outcome wasn’t good. So at 3 1/2 years old I had to put my baby down who was a huge part of our family, which crushed my oldest son…

Through all that, with a lot of prayer and strong will I continued on my path to be a personal trainer to help others who not only struggle with the physical part of obesity but also with the many struggles life throws at them. Since then I’ve started working with clients and have begun paying down credit cards and even have a new puppy (it was my goal to get one by Christmas so I hit that early!!) I’ve also found I’ve never felt better in my life…

What about the ring? What’s that got to do with all this?

I’ll tell you: if it wasn’t for this ring I would never be where I am today. I would never have quit my job at the military base, I would’ve never pursued auto mechanics (which I still enjoy working on my truck), I would have never been able to my own potential and I never would have chosen to lose weight. So I owe a lot to this ring and wearing it reminds me of all that I’ve overcome to get where I am today and beyond. 

This ring reminds of hope, strength, power, courage and faith and i wear it proudly…

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